A Scientific And Definitive Ranking Of The Stars Of ‘Mean Girls’ Post- ‘Mean Girls’ Careers

Paramount Pictures

As you may have heard by now, the iconic Lindsay Lohan-Tina Fey teenage comedy Mean Girls  turns ten today (!!!!). What’s most notable about Mean Girls is that almost all of the young stars still have fairly notable, if not successful careers — even though just about all of them aside from Lohan were virtually unknown prior to the film.

So instead of putting some kind of “where are they now,” I thought in this case it would be more appropriate to rank the careers of the core Mean Girls cast based on highlights and low-lights, which I then have tabulated to produce a 1-10 ranking to see which cast members have been the most successful by UPROXX standards. Here we go!

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Jonathan Bennett (Aaron Samuels)

Career Highlights: Uhh, it looks like he was in a couple of episodes of Veronica Mars during the 2004-2005 television season?

Career Low-Lights: His IMDB page is a veritable who’s-who of TV movies I’ve never heard of, and he also had a part in Van Wilder: Freshman Year. I guess plus side: At least he’s been consistently working?

Overall Ranking: 2.4

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Daniel Franzese (Damian)

Career Highlights: Looks like a bunch of low budget indie flicks over on IMDB and straight-to-DVD stuff. Bonus points for writing a sweet coming out letter to his Mean Girls alter-ego Damian.

Career Low-Lights: I Spit on Your Grave (2010). Ick, really dude?

Overall Ranking: 2.9

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Lacey Chabert (Gretchen Wieners)

Career Highlights: Maxim cover girl in November 2013. Since Mean Girls, other than a TV movie here and there, she’s done almost entirely voice-over work — which is tragic for obvious reasons.

Career Low-Lights: Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva La Fiesta! (2012).

Overall Ranking: 3.2

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Lindsay Lohan (Cady Heron)

Career Highlights: It hasn’t been all Peanut Butter ‘N Sh*t with Lohan, since her downward spiral didn’t really start spiraling until a year or two following the release of Mean Girls. Let’s remember: Herbie Fully Loaded (2005), A Prairie Home Companion (2006), Georgia Rule (2007), and a critically acclaimed stint on Ugly Betty in 2008.

Career Low-Lights: I Know Who Killed Me, (2007) Labor Pains, (2009) Liz & Dick, (2012) The Canyons, (2013) guest-starring roles on Anger Management, (2013) 2 Broke Girls, (2014) her Oprah reality show, and pretty much her entire personal life which I’m counting because it’s impossible to not weigh that into the factors of her overall career trajectory.

Overall Ranking: 4.8